No Rest
by Artemis Ignitan
Summary: Dressing Room Roleplay Verse. Yuusei never had a sleep that wasn't troubled. Neither did Kiryuu. Martyr!Verse wangst.


**(A/N): More stuff from the LJ Roleplay Drama that is the two Martyr!Verse boys. This small shot explores the consequences of a meeting that should never have happened-a meeting between the martyr who wasn't quite as ready to die as he thought and the one who was saved by him trying to save him in return...and failing.**

**Warnings: It's the Martyr!Verse boys. Expect wangst. Also, keep in mind that this isn't part of the Martyr!Verse timeline-this is from the same "Dressing Room" verse as _V is for Video._  
**

**Disclaimer: 5D's ain't mine at all, folks. I can only claim the Martyr!Verse.  
**

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**No Rest**

Kiryuu always had difficulty sleeping at night now that he had found Yuusei again.

Even now that they had located to a part of the island that was far away from the Satellite portion, Kiryuu was always on edge. There was always some kind of threat out there-whether it was his own deranged double (who had somehow managed to already find them) or Security (which Kiryuu _had_ spied in the area, so his worries weren't unfounded).

Even without those threats (and there would always, always, be threats...), Yuusei's fragile health and even more fragile state of mind was enough to keep him up at night.

-----

Sometimes Yuusei would be up at night, incoherently babbling about Hell, about how he wasn't supposed to be where he was, about how he was dead and in its cold (_not fiery hot, but freezing cold_) depths, becoming numb to everything...and at this point, Kiryuu would rush over to him, try his fiercest to warm him with warm soup or hands, stroking his hair back in an attempt to calm him...

Yuusei would look at him, eyes blank and unseeing, almost dead (and Kiryuu wouldn't, couldn't describe them as dead...because Yuusei couldn't be dead, coudn't be...not when Kiryuu was doing his utmost to repay him for the debt he could never, ever, completely pay him back...)

"...Kiryuu...please...let me go..."

And Kiryuu would shake his head, eyes close to tears. A surge of anger would rise in him that Yuusei could even think of asking him such a thing time and time again, when he knew that he was incapable of doing such a thing, that after losing him so many times, certain each time that he was truly and utterly gone forever...he couldn't throw him away for good. But when Yuusei asked him this in the middle of the night, when he was worn down from the strain of scouting out threats, of forcing food into Yuusei's unwilling mouth, of simply existing in a constant state of paranoia that easily topped his days in the Satellite...he just didn't have the strength to bring that anger to the surface, and his response only came out as a soft whisper just barely louder than Yuusei's, one that was wracked with grief and regret.

"...Why do you keep asking me that...? You know I can't..."

At this, Yuusei would blink blearily, begging him with those same three words that were torture to Kiryuu's ears, asking him to let him go...and all Kiryuu could do was refuse, each time feeling his heart break under the doubt that he really couldn't do anything for Yuusei, that him keeping him here was nothing but his own selfishness and not any real concern for Yuusei, that it really was better off for him to let him die.

-----

Sometimes Yuusei would suddenly start crying softly in the middle of the night, eyes still closed as if he was still asleep, too weak to shed tears. His chest barely heaved, the only signs that he was crying were the small, choking gasps of air as he struggled to breathe through his sobs.

When Yuusei was like this, it was difficult to calm him. Kiryuu could only put Yuusei's head in his lap and stroke his back gently, unable to do anything else (as much as he hated to admit that).

Yuusei would force out words, crying that he had become the monster in his dream, the voice driving him to be that way (and he never said what that voice was-if Kiryuu even did so much as try to ask, Yuusei would never answer, only crying harder and putting his frail body under more strain).

He would cry that he had destroyed everything and _enjoyed it_, something that would always make Kiryuu feel as if he had shattered like broken glass-because Yuusei should never, _never_, come to enjoy hurting others-it was his complete antithesis, completely and utterly wrong.

And so Kiryuu would murmur softly that it wasn't him, that there was no way it could be him...he could never be that way, ever. And Yuusei would look at him helplessly, wanting to believe it.

Kiryuu wanted to believe it too...he wanted to believe it so much.

-----

Most of the time however, the night was quiet. Even then, Kiryuu couldn't sleep. It was too quiet. Unearthly quiet.

_Deathly_ quiet.

Kiryuu couldn't even hear Yuusei breathe from the top bunk, and spent a good amount of time peering under him at the bottom bunk, watching carefully for the slight shifting of fabric that indicated that yes, Yuusei was indeed breathing. Eventually, Kiryuu spent his nights simply sitting next to Yuusei on the bottom bunk, listening for that faint, weak whisper of breath and feeling for that slight movement of his chest.

Kiryuu could never look at him while he was sleeping. The one time he caught Yuusei's face, he found it frozen in a troubled state-not even in his dreams was he safe, it seemed...when he was awake, living was a dying hell. If he couldn't even escape it in his dreams...Kiryuu didn't know how Yuusei could bear it.

Sometimes, Kiryuu wasn't sure if Yuusei was bearing it. The way he barely moved, how he spent most of his time listlessly lying about and the rest of it desperately begging or trying to leave...Kiryuu couldn't help but wonder if Yuusei had lost the will to live. Whether, in his mind, Yuusei considered himself already too far gone...had given up...

When that thought came to mind, tears would come to his eyes and fall softly on the blanket as he ran his hands through Yuusei's hair as he whispered a soft mantra...words that he couldn't say often enough...

"Oh god...Yuusei...I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry..."

---FIN---

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**(A/N): Review?**


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